The Dog's Diary: The Talk
by Natmonkey
Summary: Jowan has joined the team and Stubbs has the dreaded talk with him about his relationship with "the lady". Or at least tries to.


The Talk

Now that the lady's mate is coming with us, I had better talk with him. He is going to treat the lady right, or else. If he makes her sad, I'm going tear up his clothes so he has to walk around in his bare skin and gets cold. The others might laugh at him. And I will pee on everything he has. Which isn't much, actually. He shares with the lady, because he doesn't have his own sleeping place. That's what they say anyway. I think their mating is a big secret. Not even Tin Can knows. I'm not supposed to know either, but they can't fool me. Nope.

What does she see in this skinny human? I don't get it. He doesn't look very strong. Maybe he is just very good at mating. Will they have puppies someday? I have never seen a human puppy. They must be neat. But I was going to talk to the lady's mate. Don't forget. I should name him. Stick is a good name; he kind of looks like one. There he is, by the fire. Tin Can is around here somewhere, making sure there are no enemies. Good. "Hi!"

"Stubbs!" He rubs my ears. "How are you, boy?" More petting, yay. "Look at you, so big and strong... Your mistress is very proud of you, yes, she is."

"Thanks!" I show him my belly. "Pet me!"

Stick laughs and puts his hands on my tummy. So warm from the fire. Comfy. "I can see why she loves you so much. Nice dog." Long strokes. Yes. "Who's a good dog?"

"I am!" So... Good... My tail is wagging so fast right now. What did I come here for again? Oh yes, talking. "Hey, I wanted to..."

Suddenly something that looks like leather but smells like meat is dangling over my nose. Meat... Mmm... Meat and petting. "For you, my canine friend." Stick drops it, and I catch it with my mouth.

"Chewy!" It tastes good. I like this special meat. "So..." I roll over so I am back on my stomach. "We need to talk about you and my lady."

"That sounded like a very serious bark." He pats my head. "But you should know that I can't understand you."

"Oh, no." I cover my eyes with my paws. "Only angry female and the giant understand me! I really wish you humans were smarter."

Stick gasps. "That's so cute!" Then he sighs, sounding very sad. "Oh, man."

"What's wrong?" He looks very sad too. Poor Stick.

"Bah, I don't know if joining you all was a very good idea." Another sigh. "I love Tori to bits, but she should've just let the templars pick me up. Nobody here really likes me." Stick looks at me with his kind of creepy pale eyes and scratches his head. "Not only does Sten look at me as if he wants me to spontaneously burst into flames, Astoreth tells me Alistair used to be in training to become a templar. With me being a blood mage, well, you can imagine how that doesn't mix very well."

Blood mage? Templar? What are _those_? I kind of understand him though. It's tough being the new guy. At first, angry female didn't like me. Well, she still doesn't like me, but now I ignore it. It's not my fault if she can't see how awesome I am. And angry female doesn't really like anyone anyway. I sit close by my new friend and rub my face against his arm. "Well, _I_ like you."

"Aw, that's so sweet." Stick hugs me. He isn't as bony as I thought he would be. "Look at me, pouring my heart out to a dog. At least you're a good listener."

"I'm a good speaker too, you just don't understand me. Do you have another one of those leathery meat things?" I poke my nose into his pocket. There is one here, I can smell it.

Stick laughs. "Hoping for another bit of jerky, huh?" Oh, that is a nice big piece. "This time I'm going to make you work for it." He tears off a small bit and tosses it up. "Catch."

"Yay!" I jump up. The meat just lands in my mouth. "Yum!"

Stick throws the pieces higher and higher. Still too easy for me. This is fun though. I get to play _and_ eat. At the same time! "You know, Stubbs," he says between throws. "I get the feeling that you came to me with a reason."

"That's true." Oh no, I almost missed this piece. Can't have that.

"I've seen how protective you are of your mistress, and I'm sure you know what she and I do when we are all alone." His face turns a little red. "You are probably afraid I will hurt her, or something. I would never do that. She has always been my dearest friend." Instead of throwing another piece, he just drops the entire thing at my feet. Works for me. "Has she told you how we became friends?" With another sigh, not sad this time, he stares into the fire. "At first when she came to the tower, we didn't talk much. Or at all. She was mostly crying; then again, what can you expect from a child who'd just been taken away from her home? Later she calmed down, but she rarely ever smiled or even spoke. Astoreth was like a ghost then, so quiet hardly anyone ever noticed her. I did though." Stick smiles to himself. "She looked so different from all other girls in the tower. The raven hair, large dark eyes, lightly tanned skin. And much shorter than anyone else! Don't you think she's small?"

I look up from my meat. "Yep. Tell me more." This is a nice story. I didn't know the lady was like that before. Now she seems very happy. Most of the time.

"So anyway, I think I was about ten years old when I came out of the library, sick and tired of studying, and on my way to take a nap, I find none other than little Tori sitting at the base of the stairs, sobbing and nursing a skinned knee. Her tearful eyes nearly broke my heart. So, I whisked her away to the infirmary." He laughs, patting my head. "Enjoying that jerky?"

"Oh yes, thank you." It's so chewy it will last for hours. Like a bone, but with more flavour.

Stick nods. "Where was I? Oh yes. The healer wasn't there, but I knew which jar contained the right healing poultice. I applied way too much to her knee, and wrapped it with way too long a bandage. The wrapping was so thick she couldn't even bend her leg. Still, her tears had dried, and she hugged me. Since then we've been best friends." His smiling face turns sour. "Until I met Lily and messed everything up."

"Wow. You made my lady feel better!" I lick his hand. Meat flavoured. "A friend of my lady is a friend of mine."

"Seems like you've been reassured." Stick hugs me, and I lick his face. "Oh, yuck! Has anyone told you that you don't have the best-smelling breath?"

I hang my head. "Well, yes. I tried my best to make it better, but nothing works." My bad breath will haunt me until the day I die.

"Oh, don't be sad." Stick softly pets my back. "I didn't mean it like that. How about I rub your belly some more, huh?"

"Yes!" Who cares about bad breath? I'm getting attention! Lots of it! Stick really knows how to make a dog a happy dog. Oh joy. His hands are so warm.

I hear the sound of metal against metal. "Ah, pampering the pooch, are we?" Tin Can says. "I don't know why there even is a night watch; nothing ever happens."

"Uhm, better safe than sorry?" Stick sounds nervous.

"I take it my fellow Warden told you about my past." Tin Can laughs and sits down next to the other human. "There's no reason for you to start shaking whenever you're around me. As long as you don't use your blood magic for evil, we'll get along just fine." He pats the skinny man on the shoulder. They should become friends. That would be nice. "And now that Arl Eamon is all better, your poisoning of him is just water under the bridge."

Poor Stick is still so scared of Tin Can that he can barely look at him. "Really? Do you mean that?"

Tin Can shrugs. "Yes. Don't worry about the others either; they'll warm up to you eventually."

"Thanks, Alistair. That means a lot to me." Wow, he sure sounds relieved.

With a smile Tin Can jumps up. "No problem. And now..." He pulls a big stick from behind his back. Hey, I know those things! "We shall play fetch with Stubbs so we don't die from boredom! Are you up for it, boy?"

"Am I ever!" I rise to my feet, wagging my tail. Playtime! I follow Tin Can as he runs off.

"Hey!" Stick isn't happy. "Don't use my staff as a toy! Come back here!"

Tin Can laughs. "Oh, come on, Jowan, what else were you going to use it for? Catch!" The stick whizzes through the air. Oh boy! He can throw so far. Tin Can is right. This is a perfect use for those big sticks.


End file.
